Top 10 things to do if you’ve been bait and switched into a date
I had this experience the other day. I went on a date. I did not KNOW I was going on a date until I got there. Weird, right? Actually no don’t answer that, I’ll tell you—it was fucking weird.
But sometimes, crafty people can, what I like to call, ‘bait and switch’ you into going on a date with them. They disguise it as something else, and then begin talking about the shape of your eyes (umm awkward).
So having gone through the experience just a short time ago, I have reflected and put together a survival guide for those of you who may someday fall victim to the same thing.
- When this person attempts to hug/embrace/smother/envelop you upon arrival/exit, stick out your hand straight as though you’re going for a handshake. This will impale his/her abdomen and hopefully get your point across.
- When the person tells you that you have beautiful eyes, say you were born with a penis (alter this appropriately if you’re a male).
- When the person asks you what your type is, say you prefer animals to humans when furnished with a choice.
- When the person asks “what do you do in your spare time?” just say that you like to snort coke, eat Doritos, and pick your toes
- If the person is so unbearable that you are literally about to die, pull out your phone and say that your little brother’s tongue got stuck to a pole and you have to go…”but wait it’s not even cold out…?” But by then you’re out the door so it’s okay.
- When the person asks “what’s your type,” just explain that you prefer it to be more of a business arrangement, and you like to accept money and presents for the pleasure of your company…sex excluded.
- Go to the bar and down a bunch of alcoholic beverages to numb yourself to the situation at hand.
- Explain that you don’t appreciate deceptive advertising and you would like to know why you have been baited and switched into this incredibly awkward situation.
- Talk about Justin Bieber.
- Just act fuckin weird, maybe have a little fun with it so it’s at least entertaining and gives you something to write about in your blog…