What if you’re a what if-er?
Is your mind a lair that nobody else would ever want to visit? Is it like the Russian tundra of mental existence? As in, you’d be there. Cold. Irritated. Just thinking, “my God I don’t want to be here right now, make it stop.”
What would we think if we were allowed a 30 minute tour of somebody else’s thoughts? I think it would be disastrous. It’s a truth serum of sorts, no? With no holds barred. Nothing left to secrecy and suppression.
I’d like to think that I would pass at the opportunity, but I’m certainly a curious cat. I probably couldn’t resist.
I imagine if this type of tour were allowed, the definition of “normal” would certainly be skewed. I have this theory that we all think about super messed up stuff in some capacity or another, and just stifle the thoughts because, hey, you would probably be socially shunned and never get laid.
I’m not saying we’re all like sick and twisted and neophiles and pedophiles. No. I just mean, most of us are weird and think weird things. It’s just about who is better at hiding it.
I guarantee I’m right about you. Yes, you. All of you. Think about some of your peculiar thoughts and habits behind closed doors. Maybe you’re a totally “normal” person but you eat your toenails. Maybe you’re just an average joe, but you think about what certain people would look like with unicorn horns for fun (suppressed phallic longings per Freud, perhaps, but I won’t judge).
Where is she getting this shit?
I don’t know, dude. I’m just trying to think of outrageous, random things.
Take me, for instance. I can create nonexistent scenarios like none other. I think this is a paranoia of sorts? I analyze, exaggerate, sensationalize, add, subtract, and take the square root of, and suddenly end up with a mentally-created situation that does. not. exist. A situation fit for novels, if you will.
I often think I’m being clever and insightful and perceptive, etc. I’ll maintain that this is the case, sometimes. Sometimes being paranoid puts your pawn two steps ahead.
But usually I’m just being nuts.
It’s the result of being a what if-er. What if the undertone of this email means this? What if this person is lying to me? What if it’s all about to crash on me, with shards of glass slicing me on the way down?
Probably why, if given the chance, you should cancel the flight to my mind and go to New Zealand or somewhere pretty.
~ by brettelizabethmurphy on August 15, 2012.